Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Migration of the Giant Luna

The truthfulness of this posting has been questioned. It is believed that some or all of its contents may constitute a hoax. Without additional verification within five days, elements of this posting may be deleted.


This ain’t no action adventure tale. It’s not about Second Amendment rights. Not about endangered species, nor the male ego, nor testosterone without character. It’s not science fiction, not an allegory, not journalism, not a chronicle, not a history. Not a fable, not a parable, not an epic, not folklore, it’s not a legend, a myth, a biography, nor an historical romance.

It’s not post-modern, post-contemporary, meta whatever, or retro.

It’s not confessional, not didactic, not expressionist, not words for words sake.

It’s just a story. About a moth.

The Difference Between Moths and Butterflies

Butterflies like the daytime sun; moths prefer the dusk and night.
Butterflies flutter before the poetry starts; Moths fluster when the poetry ends.
There are no moths on greeting cards.
There are no moth screen savers.
Young ladies do not get moth tattoos on that secret palette of skin that flows from her navel to the sweet crease where her thigh meets her hip.
Butterflies are metaphors: the butterfly effect; the bright elusive butterfly of love; butterfly kisses; and, of course, the metamorphosis from woolly worm to magnificent beauty.
Moths are an abject warning, a cautionary tale of how we will burn in the flame that attracts us most.
No one releases moths at weddings.
Butterflies get into our daydreams. Moths get into our hair.
Butterflies are lovely; moths are creepy crepuscular things.

The largest known butterfly is the Queen Alexandra Birdwing, with a wingspan of up to fifteen inches.
The largest moth is the Giant Luna, with a wingspan of sixty feet, six inches.


Scientific name Gigantus fornicato lepidoptera, Latin for big fucking moth, commonly known as the Giant Luna. Native to Northeast Mexico and the rain forests of the Gulf Coast, it has a wingspan of up to 60 feet, 6 inches. Despite its size, there have been remarkably few post-columbian sightings. Maybe none.

Life Cycle and Migration.

Luna Moths live about one full year. Each year on the Fall equinox, drawn irresistibly to the lunar light, the moths leave Earth and begin a 240,000 mile migration to their wintering grounds at Sweet Sumac Ridge on the moon. This ridge lies precisely on the dividing line between the light and dark sides of the moon. There the females lay their single egg before they die. The eggs hatch, and the larvae mature, and precisely at Spring Equinox the pupae emerge as Giant Luna Moths and begin their migration back to Earth, even though they have never been there before. No scientific explanation has accounted for this.

Appearance and Wings.

The Giant Luna wings are highly valued for their rich shimmer, magical color. Green, edged in lapiz, with a long thin tail, the wings are much sought after for fashion and their healing powers. A single Giant Luna can yield 150 square meters of wings.

Giant Luna wing material is graded translucent, iridescent, luminescent, phosphorescent, or opalescent with transluscent the lowest grade and opalescent the highest. In 2011, the House of Versace stunned the fashion world with a blinding Luna wing bikini. The two-piece weighed less than an ounce, and cost more than the annual income of 94% of the world’s families.

The wings are also greatly sought after for their healing properties. Even lower grade translucent wing, when wrapped around the skin of an inflicted patient, can heal burns, necrotizing bacteria, gunshot wounds, stab wounds and soft tissue gangrene. As of this reading, insurance companies consider this treatment elective and experimental.

Although only 3 mil thin, the wings possess such tensile strength that the military uses wings for parachutes. On the black market, wings fetch upwards of $50,000 per square meter and are used as penis wraps for extension and erectile super function, as well as for anti wrinkle masks and cellulite eradication.

Jump to the Finale

There’s more. There’s an Aztec legend rife with obligatory beheadings, a safari with Sarah Palin and Elmer Fudd ("Be vehwy, vehwy quiet. We're hunting Giant Woona."), and a cameo appearance by Vladimir Nabokov. But all that’s for another time.

Because now, when the performance ends, when we are unspeakably awed by a darkening stage strewn with the "casualties of carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts," then... then, we won't find any butterflies in the Globe Theater.